KYLE HOLLINS

Position: ST / CB

Nickname: Berba

Favourite players: Chris Sutton & Dion Dublin

When not busy grafting at the local quarrying establishment, Kyle operates as FC's target man (or occasionally as a stand-in centre-half). Forming another of the family ties in the FC squad as Merse's step-brother, Berba can always be trusted to hold up the ball superbly, allowing Tiff the time to catch up with play. With a goal to game ratio which would leave David Seaman proud, Kyle could be the thirty goals a season man FC have been crying out for, if only he could hit a cow's arse with a banjo. Not to be confused with ex-Buxton bench warmer Kyle Collins. Started the 2011/12 season with 3 goals in 3 games. Is this his year? Update: No, it's not. Now being tried as a centre-half.